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I want to find the biggest sandwich in Richmond. Yes. It has to be huge. Larger than my head. And delicious. A huge, delicious sandwich, preferably with fries or some other hot-baked side. No coleslaw. That's grounds for instant disqualification.

(no subject)

Mar. 25th, 2006 10:55 am
teabiting: (Default)
I have a dilemma. My living room has a large brick fireplace, and dividing the walls into upper and lower segments is chair rail. The chair rail looks nice, but is currently a putrescent green against "eggshell" walls (*coughhack*). I want to paint the lower segment of the walls in a cream color ("Belgian Waffle", it's called, which is delicious enough to merit painting the walls with), the trim in white, and then some sort of color in the upper segment of the walls.

My mom had bought a gorgeous brown shade that I chose, but now I'm thinking I want to use that in the kitchen and one of the upper bedrooms instead of the living room, due to the huge built-in brown-stained bookcases, brown brick, and tan-ish carpet, but I'm having trouble deciding. Here's an example of the colors:

Keep in mind the colors are somewhat brighter than the actual colors I would choose (depending on your type of computer, I've noticed things tend to be somewhat more gray on my laptop), but the sentiment is the same. So please help me decide!*

[Poll #697754]

*keep in mind it needs to be non-bright enough to blind people, or make my parents never want to visit, or scare the dog.
Don't you just love spam? Not the meat, but the stuff that comes in your inbox. Like this:

michal - I've been sorrowful with my size lately, what and you. 8:25 pm

It's not the "sorrowful with my size lately" (really - size with what? "God, I'm SO short, WOE WOE!" or maybe "Oh, my feet are too large, it's Chinese foot-binding for me!"), it's the "what and you" that gets me. And then, of course, GMail puts "Ginger Spam Salad" at the top as a clickable link.

Cathie - dont you want to pleaase your girlfriends. 4:25 pm

Because, don't you know, I have so very many girlfriends running around, it's so hard to keep track of how I can pleaase them all!

vfdaksbf - get a large r pen is now 3:29 pm



On the upside, far from being sorrowful with my size, I've decided to try the "Savory Spam Primavera" that pops up every so often. After all, you have to give spam a chance sometime.
There was spider in my house.

A big, hairy, mean one that wanted to bite off my toes!

I came home, fully expecting no other furry creatures other than Koke to greet me at the door. Yea, I walked in, took off my coat and draped it over the chair by the door, and as I was leaning back, I came face to face with a large, brown spider.

Spider: "RARRRRR!!!" *jump*

Mel: "EEEEEEK!!!" *flatten oneself against the door, watch as the spider crawls swiftly down the wall and out of sight* *let out a deep breath*

*moment of silence*

Spider: "Ha-HA!" *leaps out from behind the corner, runs at Melya*

Mel: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" *throws open the door, runs outside* "EEEEEEEE!!!"

Koke: "???"

Mel: *slams door shut, runs around to the back door, looks around the corner before letting oneself in*

Koke: *coming in from the kitchen* "???"

Me: "Did you see the SIZE of that thing!? It wanted to eat my soul!"

Koke: "???"

Me: *creeps around the house, carefully watching all corners*

*moment of silence*

Spider: "Ha-HA!" *leaps out from the front-door corner, runs at Melya*


Spider: "I'll get you, my pretty!"

Mel: *grabs Hanes manual* "OMG OMG!" *hyperventilates*


Spider: *peeps around the corner*

Mel: *doesn't breathe*

Spider: *maniacal cackle* *runs at Mel*

Mel: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" *wild swinging with Hanes manual* *thwack!*

Spider: *dead*

Mel: *thwack!*

Spider: *twitch*

Mel: *thwack!*

Spider: *twitchtwitch* *dead*

Mel: *breathes*

Koke: "???"

Mel: *feels a moment of remorse, perhaps he just wanted a hug, after all...*

Spider #2: "YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!" *runs down the wall*

I like the word "goggles". Also, "gargantuan" and "sibilant". I used the word "edification" today and people looked at me funny. Also, "mendacious" and "servile" made them ask me what words I was making up, or if it was the "word of the day". One person recommended, yesterday, that I keep my vocabulary minimized to three syllables or less, lest their heads implode blow up. I wouldn't want that, therefore so I had better keep my obvious erudition smart-talk to myself. As much as I'd like to say a (lot) more, I had better stop before my verbosity educamation causes expiration via exhaustion my legs to fall off (which is one of the obvious side-effects of having too many brain cells to bang together, I hear).

(no subject)

Feb. 21st, 2006 09:48 pm
teabiting: (Default)
Apparently the tech managers at work thought I didn't have a personality or something because I, like, did my work. But now that I've let them know I do indeed have a personality and opinions and stuff, they're all surprised.

"Yeah, that Mel girl? She actually has a personality... and oh my god she's weird."


(no subject)

Feb. 20th, 2006 08:49 pm
teabiting: (rit)


Jan. 15th, 2006 08:54 pm
teabiting: (kirk lj post)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mel!

  1. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Mel and compline.

  2. Ostriches stick their heads in Mel not to hide but to look for water!

  3. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Mel.

  4. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are Mel.

  5. Mel cannot swim.

  6. Mel can jump up to sixteen times her own height.

  7. If you chew gum while peeling Mel then it will stop you from crying.

  8. During severe windstorms, Mel may sway several feet to either side.

  9. Some birds use Mel to orientate themselves during migration.

  10. The fingerprints of Mel are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene!

I am interested in - do tell me about

Sometimes, I wonder why people didn't yell at me, "HEY! Caterpillar-eyebrow woman! Wax them babies!"

Srsly. Did you not notice? HELLO CATERPILLARS. They were probably whipping about, entangling small cars, eating plump children, and I didn't even notice...

I pluck, now, thankyouverymuch. They're still fairly normal looking, I'd like to think. I don't have to use a pencil to draw them in, I simply have to tame them with scissors and tweezer. However, I see pictures of myself before, and think, "Why didn't someone tell me I looked like Bert?" Was everyone just being nice?

One reason...

Jan. 11th, 2006 11:58 pm
teabiting: (Default)
I just need one reason, just one single, tiny reason to say...

"O RLY???" at work.

That would make my week.
According to the Bible, God gave his only Son to the world so that we may be redeemed, and has told us in prophecy that there will be a moment when his Son will come again to redeem the faithful and escort those worthy of eternal life to heaven.

But, what if Christ has already been born, and is unable to realize his destiny in this chaotic, uncertain world? Would that make him not-Christ? What if, taken for a religious fanatic, He has been ignored and derided, consigned to a mental institution as we do those of 'excessive zeal'? Conversely, what if Christ has already been born and, unable to find one soul uncorrupted by the world, has left us here, eternally in this mortal coil to destroy ourselves as we will? It is said that Christians will 'know' Christ, through some mystical knowledge or presentiment, that some hidden part will yearn towards Christ. But what if our beliefs are perverted? What if the original Christianity, as expected and given forth by Christ, is no more? Would He look upon the religion He started and feel ashamed by its pettiness, its blood-thirstiness, how we have invoked His name in war, for profit and for domination?

Or what if even every person on the earth is born with the potential to be Christ - and is unrealized, as of yet (I assume)? What if the Bible, given to so many inaccuracies and made by the hand of man, has not understood what God has intended? Or, on the other hand, has God accepted the writ of Man?

Has God created Man, or is it the other way around?

In archaeological excavations, we are made to understand that even our 'primitive' ancestors had their faith. It made have been what Christians would term a 'pagan' faith, humble homage to the Sun Gods or the Rain Gods, but what is faith if not a body for the unknown? We crave to understand - without it there would be no science, no wheel, no solar system or universe - and so have we created the trappings of 'faith' because there are things we don't understand? Have we put stock in belief and in goodness, in eternal life because we cannot explain events, voices, apparitions?

Do humans have the potential for godly events? I see people speak about their faith, how it has given them life, or given others life, created miracles - miracles attributed to God (when was the last time there was a 'miracle' and someone said they did it all by themselves?). Could human beings have an unrealized, or perhaps submerged or ignored, potential? We have already proven to master atomic principles, harness the energies for our own, often destructive, uses. Could there not be something else, though, beyond atoms, beyond cells and particles, beyond existing theory? Could there be something else that could act as "faith", that feeds off human energy and is directed by force of will? There are people in the world with more will than others, people that make the world around them as opposed to those that simply accept it. Could they have some more quantity of something - will, faith, understanding - that drives and shapes the world around them, that are somehow, unknowingly, controlling more of these things beyond what we understand presently to be the construction of the universe? Could there be something beyond our knowledge which is a driving element, an ephemeral force that brings out or subdues like forces in others, and in the world? Could those, invested with 'faith', have the same sort, yet be unconsciously lending themselves to miracles, bringing out their potential for 'godly' events?

Is it all blasphemy?

You Phail!

Dec. 7th, 2005 12:50 am
teabiting: (dumbledore OMG)
I'm bored, and so decided that instead of my usual "Romance Novel Review", I'm going to review this novel, which is better sleepy-time material than the White Pages in the Smith section.
Title: Savages of Gor
Author: John Norman
Pages: 330
Year Published: 1982 (The 1982 Gor Book!)

Summary: Tarl Cabot (har de har) is hanging around on the planet Gor when some big, hairy things (Kurii) come and say they are looking for another large hairy thing (Kur) that is supposedly lost in some wasteland somewhere. Tarl, after careful (hahaha...) questioning and probing at the Kurii, asks them the Big Question - "Why do you want to find the big hairy thing in the wasteland?" The answer? The Kurii want to kill the other big hairy thing. They ask Tarl Cabot (tee hee) if he will assist them, since he probably knows the location of the Kur. Tarl Cabot says no, the Kurii get pissed off and rip the table apart, end of interview. Sadly, they do not rip Tarl Cabot's head off. When questioned later by his trusty sidekick - "Why not help them find the Kur?" - Tarl says, "Well, I had a drink with that Kur once. You know."

Obviously, this is plenty of reason to trek into the wasteland. So Tarl does, eventually joining up with a trader going through said wasteland, where we eventually get to the heart of the story: slave girls and sex.

The story suspends for awhile (ahem... nearly the whole book) while Tarl explains the rigors of slave-owning to a new slave. First, they have to submit to you. How do you do that? Sex. Then, you have to teach them to submit a little more. How do you do that? Sex, sometimes near-rape, but they'll like it all the same. All women like it, they just don't know it. Women want to be feminine, because it means sex and being owned by a man. Obviously.

So, sparing you reading 150 pages of endless, moronic diatribe that borders on the creepy, John Norman basically is saying, through his adventurous intermediary, women should all be slaves. Slaves are pretty awesome to own. You can have sex with them a lot. The end.

But Tarl is a smooth talker. He can go on and on, talking the poor slave girl (who obviously has the brain capacity of a small, deep-sea fish) in circles. The poor slave girl who has his attentions is an Earthling, brought to Gor by magic spaceships who deposited her in a field with a bunch of other girls, nearly nude, of course. After a brief explanation of her incredibly boring heritage, she declares, "I am afraid to be feminine!" and says she wants to be a good slave. Tarl realizes that she really just wants to have sex, and so woos her with the following pick-up lines:

"I do not mean to insult you, girl of Earth, but you are obviously extremely feminine. You have, doubtless, a large number of female hormones in your body" and "I will be gentle with you this time, but sometimes you must understand you will be used quite differently, for example, with contempt and scorn, or brutality, or cruel indifference, or perhaps, with ruthless power." Of course, what girl could resist such charm, such graceful delivery? The girl falls straight into his arms, he takes her virginity, and paints her virgin's blood all over her legs. Why? Obviously, because he is Tarl Cabot. Taker of Virginity, Spreader of Seed, Virile Manhood of the Universe!

Anyway, the caravan goes on, collects some more slaves, etc. Tarl has more sex with all the slaves, which he obviously enjoys to the point of unending sentences and endless diatribe, to which pitifully short and undescriptive "love scenes" are penned. There's some fighting among the Indians red people on the grasslands, the Kurii show up, more fighting, Tarl proves himself to be a virile man by slaughtering lots and then having his way with a couple of slave girls.
Reviewer's Notes: Oh my god, make it stop. Please make it stop. Please, dear God, have mercy, and make it stop. And someone please make John Norman use punctuation that is not a fricking comma.
By the Numbers:
"Love" Scenes:
References to stolen/misplaced/otherwise lost virginity: 16
Plot "Twists": 0
Number of Women Lusting After the Hero: 454,105,294.3
Number of Fights/All Out Wars over the Heroine/Hero's presence: 7
References to "slave orgasms": 25

Overall Grade: F! Where's the action? It's nowhere to be found. For a book that professes to be action-oriented, this read like a treatise on sexual slavery. "Slave orgasms?" He threw her down on the ground and told her to beg for mercy, and she supposedly orgasmed! What the hell! The entire book is just a stupid man's fantasy, who wants to make-believe that women want virile men to smack them around. Ok, ok, so the first few books were ok, but this is utterly ridiculous. F. Don't ever read it. There's a reason they're out of print.


Nov. 22nd, 2005 11:46 am
teabiting: (Default)
My travel has been delayed by a day, due to weather. This is one of the first times I've ever done so. I must be getting old.

Koke has also manipulated me into taking her, by the big sighs, the Depressed Mein, and the moping about. I wish I could take them all, but there's really only room for one for now.

I promise I'll get to writing again once I get to where I'm going. This journal won't stagnate, for any longer, anyway.

(no subject)

Nov. 17th, 2005 03:27 pm
teabiting: (icarus flower)
I am making a whole chicken in the crockpot, with garlic, thyme, pepper and salt. It smells really, really good and I am really, really hungry. Also, Harry Potter is coming out tomorrow (cue EEEEEEeeeeEEEE!!), my pothos plant is becoming appropriately massive, and Bailey will come running if you rattle the treat-bag. I mean, running, as in running and leaping on you for treats. Occasionally, he will come and sit on my lap and wait for treats, while giving the Kitty Mind Control Gaze to try and get me to open the drawer. He's doing that right now, as if my hand will suddenly, of its own accord, go over to the drawer, open it, and take out the sacred Friskies Chicken And Liver Flavour Cat Treats.

On the downside, it is snowing and I have to do the dishes. Sigh.

(no subject)

Nov. 8th, 2005 05:08 pm
teabiting: (Default)
Due to moving-related activities, I am taking a small hiatus for a few days to collect my thoughts. I think I'll be ready to write at the end of this week. Have a good week, everyone!
[ profile] undermoonspell, I thought you might be interested in this:
Silent Hill, the horror game, is finally showing signs of production into a movie: A woman named Rose, desperate to find her child Sharon, finds herself trapped in an alternate dimension as she searches for her daughter in a world of decay inhabited by strange beings. Over the protests of her husband, she flees with her child, heading for an abandoned town to which the child seems drawn. Sharon disappears in the town, and Rose follows what she thinks is her daughter's silhouette into what seems like an alternate reality. It's soon clear this place is not like anywhere she's ever been. It's smothered by fog, inhabited by a variety of strange beings and periodically overcome by a living Darkness that literally transforms everything it touches. Joined by Cybil, a local police officer, Rose searches for her little girl while learning the history of the strange town and realizing that Sharon is just a pawn in a larger game.

Aand... I'm searching for an article (if it was an article, it was very long), or perhaps it was a book that I read a long while ago, perhaps as much as a year ago or more, about the decay of civilization. Whomever wrote it had pieces about how war and conquering new territory is the drive for civilizations to continue, how the Mayans and other South/Central American cultures were diminished, and how this tied in with art. Specifically regarding art, the author asserted that as civilizations mature, the art goes from simplified to complex and very detailed, at the height of the civilization, but as the culture begins to slip towards decay, art becomes less complex, and human forms become bloated and indistinct. Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about?


Nov. 4th, 2005 12:05 pm
teabiting: (mob mentality)
For some reason, my service provider (Rogers) isn't reaching G-Mail. My computer can see and interact with the internet, but for some reason won't access G-Mail, Yahoo, or This is the second day in a row... Steve called Rogers but their technical support is down (!!) because of 'technical difficulties', and they said that they 'are aware that some customers are having problems reaching certain internet sites with their internet. Unfortunately we don't have an estimated repair time, but we are working on the problem.'

ARGH. I'd like to check my mail, plzkthx.
For anyone that is aware of my history with Robert Jordan books, they would know that I don't consider him a good writer. I consider him a mediocre writer who happened to hit on a large, pre-pubescent fanbase.

That said, I'm reading his... 11th? book. Or whatever number it is, they all blur in my head as being one and the same. The one where Rand is recovering from cleansing saidin and they are searching for Faile and Matt is going on about the Princess of the Seven Moons or whatever... It's really good reading material, if you want to fall asleep. Very soothing.

There's another book I'm reading that's called The Lost Secrets of the Sacred Ark which is, as one can guess, about the Ark of the Covenant, gold, Philosopher's Stone, etc. It's pretty interesting, though some of the conclusions are pretty far out. Like this mysterious white powder that was found in the Temple of Hathor in Egypt is actually the stuff the pharaohs used to lengthen their lives (mfkzt), which is tied with the manna Moses found for his people in the desert, which is actually a powder derived from gold which purifies in an unknown way into an edible powder... and then, too, documents the process in which gold was derived from non-gold elements, but saying that the guy who patented and did the process was forced out by government officials who wanted a cut.

But it draws other, unrelated and more interesting parallels. Like the possibility that Moses was actually Pharaoh Akhenaten and his followers, forced to abdicate the throne by the people who wanted the old systems of worship and government back, and banished from Egypt. It has a whole history of words in it, which is interesting if not entirely related to the point, and the entire book dwells mostly on the history surrounding Egypt and the lands around it, touching only lightly on what would be the focus of the book. Also, another good point: the Bible rejects magic in any form, yet stories upon stories give it to one person or another, under the guise of 'miracles' (a stick that changes into a serpent when dropped, but that will change back into a stick again upon being picked up?), because magic, if given 'God' in name, is termed a 'miracle'...

Ok, so it's just interesting. Not in that I can believe wholeheartedly in the gold-powder creating nearly immortal life, though. It still seems a tad far-fetched, but you never know - maybe some convicing point will be made along the (long and rambling) way.
This sort of thing makes me furious.

Catholics often wonder publicly why the priesthood is shrinking. Gee, could it be that no one wants to be affiliated with a church whose priests sodomize men and boys, and screw other mens' wives??? And a church that does NOTHING to prevent it, to punish it, to make sure it doesn't happen again!? Could it be?

Obviously not. The entire world is surely afflicted with godlessness, and that's why we have to pray for more priests. /sarcasm
The only reason that I can find a scintilla of "okayness" for this President of the US (and it is a very small, small scintilla indeed, mostly eclipsed by utter loathing and dislike) is because he's either the worst, most hypocritical liar to ever use the Seal of the President of the United States, or he's the dumbest. I prefer thinking he's just stupid, because it doesn't inspire quite as many nightmares.

Anyway, he unveiled his pandemic flu strategy today, which is to say, he stumbled across the stage and mouthed words that were piped into his elfin ear. Part of that 'strategy' is, of course, big business: "Part of the president's plan, he said, will deal with what he called "junk lawsuits" that stifle the output of vaccine manufacturers." HAHAHA ok, are you serious? You're giving more away to the pharmaceutical companies? It's part of "the plan", I guess. The other part of the plan is to have vaccines for this stuff. Like, flu vaccines. Like the vaccines we should have had TEN YEARS AGO but forgot about because of various things, and then we were threatened with an epidemic last year so we had to depend on the Canadians to give us 50 million vaccines, but luckily Canada has a huge stockpile of such things. We really should have thanked them for that, instead of raising a fuss over the NAFTA softwoods thing...

Anyway. Obviously, there is other Big News this week, and that is the next divisive Supreme Court candidate. John Roberts was a warm-up, to see if a kiiiiinda Neocon guy could be shoe-horned in. Welp, he was approved, so then the President moved on to his next phase: try to get the really really insane pie-making lady in! Whoo! But it didn't work - even his own party was mad at him, and the Pie Lady said no thanks. She wasn't even qualified, which was his ONE mistake. So now he found someone new! A new and shining Republicanite who embodies the essence of the party, but with two very crucial differences: he cannot make a pie to save his life, and he has had actual judging experience (and we're not talking Arabian horses here!])!

I present Sammie Alito, the next Supreme Court judge to pander to the Neocon ideal in the highest court in the land. Whoo, right? Here's a comic that perfectly sums this up:

In all seriousness, the frothing-at-the-mouth Conservative party bent that a judge has seriously unnerves me. He's very anti-abortion, anti-choice, and pro-Christian in the way that "Separation of Church and State" does not apply. I can't say it as well as the Rude Pundit, however (link contains obscenities and some exaggerations). This candidate seems to have no compunctions violating others' privacy, he's anti-woman and anti-choice - yet he's nominated for the Supreme Court.

Oh, how I do wish this was simply another nightmare.