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May. 27th, 2006

Steve's friend Mike got me hooked on Firefly and is slowly sending me the episodes as I have time to get them. It's so terribly wonderful that I'd probably sit here and watch it all day if I could.

Anyway. I'm sure it's time for another Romance Novel Review.




Title: Rightfully Mine
Author: Doris Mortman
Pages: 626
Year Published: 1989

Summary: Amazon has a good summary.


GABRIELLE COCROFT is a hard-working housewife, mother of one, living in Cleveland, Ohio. She has a passing interest in antiques and her son and that's about it. Until the day when her EVIL RICH HUSBAND decides to leave her...

Evil Rich Husband: You interest me no more, Wife! I want a divorce, because I'm madly in love with my blonde, pretty, super-star girlfriend whom I met while snorkeling alone in the Carribean while you thought I was conducting business! Mwahahaha!
Gabby: *goes crazy, gets in the car, drives to NYC*
Son: OMGWTFBBQ!!!?!?!?!? *throws tantrum*

GABY finds work as a salesclerk for some big-name RETAIL STORE. After a few months of her son throwing continual tantrums ("WHYYYYY AREN'T YOU HOME TO TAKE CARE OF MEEEE?!"), and living in a strange city, she decides to take an antiques class where Fate Intervenes and she meets a Handsome Rogue Frenchman named ARMAND.

Armand: Je ne sais pas, my little flower.
Gaby: *sighmelt*
Armand: Antiques are good for you. They capture the soul of ze time! Nevermind all ze Ikea crap, eighteenth century bureaus are where it's at, biyotch!
Gaby: *shows off antiques knowledge about bureaus, surprising herself and anyone else who would read this book*
Armand: *perks up* Come work for MEEE at my antiques shop! We will drink ze wine and talk about BUREAUS!
Gaby: YAY!

GABBY begins working for ARMAND as his service clerk, and eventually ARMAND cooks up a scheme that involves an antiques fair. Several long scenes later, it turns out his plan has been FOILED by the EVIL VINCENT PRADO!

Vincent Prado: Mwahahaha! Armand, you are nothing more than dust beneath my impeccable pink leather kidskin heels!
Armand: You rogue! You gay metropolitan man of ze impeccable taste! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH ZE NAME OF THE LAFITTES!
Vincent Prado: Speak to the Armani, Armand, the moustache does not want to hear it! *flounces away*
Read more... )
Reviewer's Notes: Gaby, despite being this "savvy, strong business woman in the 80's" just kind of follows people around aimlessly and does what they tell her. She has little personality, and could probably be replaced with a clever REALDOLL.

By the Numbers:
"Love" Scenes:
3
References to stolen/misplaced/otherwise lost virginity: 0 (cain't have virginity if there's babeees involved!)
Plot "Twists": 28.5
Number of Men Lusting After the Heroine: 3
Number of Mary Sue Incidents: 3 minor
Number of Fights/All Out Wars over the Heroine: 4
Times "Fate" Intervened: 18 billion
Times "Fate" Intervened by 500 or more miles: 2/18 billion
References to "bureaus": 368


Overall Grade: C+. I know more about bureaus now, but I was also incredibly, incredibly bored. Gaby is a forgettable character who flails about a lot and cries some more. If it involved more handsome men and less whinging, it may have been a good book.

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